Hello and welcome to another post. Today is going to be 'one of those' posts where I just pour my heart out but I hope you enjoy it because I just need to let some of my emotions out.
Some of you may know that one year ago today, my dad passed away due to oesophagus cancer and if I am being honest with you, this past year has been the hardest of my life! Learning to live without someone you love is the hardest thing anyone could ever go through but someone has to and I guess I was one of those people.
My dad was such a noble person and someone that anyone could look up to because he had been through so much and has had so many stories to tell throughout his lifetime. Without him, I would definitely not be the person I am today as he has taught me so many valuable lessons in life such as expressing myself more and being my own spokesperson, not letting people speak for me. Thanks to him I got back into singing, something which used to be (and now is) my favourite thing to do; he has also heavily influenced my music taste, making me the artist I am today. I have so many things to thank him for.
One thing that I have started to do this year is write songs which I would describe as my therapy. If I am having bad thoughts, mainly about separation and loss, I write them down and convert them into lyrics, eventually turning them into songs that are soulful and also songs that I'm proud of. I'm not the most confident person when it comes to expressing my emotions but when I write, all of these words flow out of me and I feel so rejuvenated as a person, thanks for igniting this spark dad!
Although this year has been the saddest and slowest I have ever experienced, the only way to somehow cope amongst these tears is to distract yourself and try to move on. It has been hard and there has been a lot of tears (even when I'm writing this) as I can never forget him, I feel proud of my accomplishments though! Sure, I may be low at times but I have certainly come out of my shell this year and I have tried my hardest in whatever I am passionate in, something which my dad has always wanted me to do. Grief is a very hard thing and you can never really understand it until it happens to you but grief has not seen the best of me yet; like I say in one of my original songs "I am a soldier" and I will fight this battle, however long it may be...
Dear Dad,
I may not believe in many things but I do certainly believe that you are up there looking down at me. Everything I ever do and ever will do is for you as all I have ever wanted to do is make you proud as thats all you have ever done to me. Music has helped me through all of this and I only have you to thank for that. I chose Music GCSE because you loved my singing, I listen to Motown music because you loved it and I appreciate such a wider range of music all thanks to you.
One of the best days of my entire life was not filled with anything extraordinary but I love it so much as it was one of the only times I felt so care-free and I was just with you. It was when we went to Devil's Dyke after I just got my first camera and we were snapping away for the whole day. That day will forever hold a place in my heart, alongside you as we were just so happy and loving our lives.
I love you dad, I hope you are reading this and are proud of me
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